


Can I Replace All Your eXes Without Asking Y?

by NoontimeOwl



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/F, F/M, Humor, Past Relationship(s), Prequel, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:21:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24251980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoontimeOwl/pseuds/NoontimeOwl
Summary: Lexi had many reasons to go on a break from relationships. This is a story about three of them.Fanfiction for the "Tesselation" by Inquartata.
Relationships: Lexi T'Perro & Harry Carlyle, Lexi T'Perro/Original Asari Character(s), Lexi T'Perro/Original Turian Character(s)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 18





	1. Lenaye

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Inquartata (mackillian)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mackillian/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Tessellation](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14689899) by [Inquartata (mackillian)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mackillian/pseuds/Inquartata). 



> This story is a NON-CANON prequel. It's a fanfiction for a fanfiction and is set in Iquartata's Tesselation AU. 
> 
> Not beta-read, sorry for any and all mistakes.

**196 years before launch of Andromeda Initiative**

A simple rule that works for any social group: if you don’t want to be shut out, don’t ignore invitations to any parties and outings.

Knowing this simple fact, Lexi T’Perro – student of Citadel University Medical School – decided to join her fellow students for a night out. When the majority voted they go to a strip club down the Wards, she didn’t protest – while Lexi wasn’t overly fond of such venues, she was quite used to them after many years of living on Omega and visiting her parents at work. So, what followed was a few hours of drinking games, laughter and embarrassment, in all of which Lexi participated only nominally – after all, she had to study next morning and, unlike most of her fellows, she did want to be able to do so. However, after a while the group dispersed – some ended up sleeping face-first on the table, while others sneaked off to get themselves private lap-dances.

Lexi ended up alone, sitting at the bar. Not that she minded that development – after all, places like this were perfect for studying other species and how they behave in a certain setting. And Lexi truly loved alien psychiatry.

However, this evening her studies were constantly interrupted. And no, it wasn’t that other patrons hit on her often (which they did), in fact, even that was seen by Lexi as an opportunity to study them. But every time Lexi tried to note the behavior of people who surrounded the main stage, her eyes kept drifting to a figure occupying it.

Although ‘owning the stage’ might have been more correct. During her Omegan childhood Lexi saw her fair share of asari dancers, but, damn, this girl put them all to shame. She was like water, like music given form and flesh – a very enticing form that Lexi had serious trouble tearing her eyes away. At some point Lexi’s eyes strayed – surprisingly – to the girl’s face, and it could be a trick of light or (more likely) of imagination, but Lexi was certain the girl had winked at her.

However, dancer’s performance soon ended, and Lexi, having enjoyed the show, turned to the bartender. She was just about to motion him over, when her Omega-honed spatial awareness kicked in, and she knew someone came up on her right. She turned immediately and internally sighed. A drell she didn’t know was standing next to her, slightly swaying, clearly drunk and, judging by his somewhat nonsynchronous blinking, recently stoned.

“Is this seat empty?” he didn’t slur the words, but increased pauses between them had confirmed Lexi’s suspicion that he’d just gotten high on something.

“Obviously.” _And if you sit down, so will be mine_ , thought Lexi, pursing her lips and turning away from the drell, hoping he’ll get the hint and leave her alone. However, clinical part of her mind was immediately skeptical of this tactic.

That skepticism was soon rewarded. Drell didn’t sit, but he didn’t cease trying to start a conversation either.

“Haven’t I seen you some place before?”

“Of course you did,” answered Lexi, her tone dryer than a sandpaper. “That’s why I don’t go there anymore.”

The drell frowned. But, apparently, he was a persistent type, because one second later he leaned even closer.

“Come on, don’t be like that. I bet I could make you very happy.”

“Why? Are you leaving?”

As soon as words left her mouth, Lexi realized there’s going to be an incident. Drell’s frown turned into an angry grimace and he reached for her. However, before Lexi flared her biotics, drell’s arm was enveloped in a stasis that wasn’t of her making.

“I believe she told you to fuck off, reptile. Or are you too dumb to understand that?” said silky, rich female voice with a steel undertone. Lexi looked behind the drell and her eyes widened. It was the dancer from before – she had changed into slightly less revealing clothes and was now glowing with biotic corona, holding Lexi’s assailant at bay.

Drell whirled around as much as the stasis field around his arm allowed him, but when he saw who got him, his snarl turned into a lecherous grin.

“Why, lass, you wanna join us?”

The dancer rolled her eyes.

“Dumb it is,” she motioned to the nearest bouncer, a krogan who immediately stomped their way. Drell visibly deflated at the sight of him. “Chaxx, be a darling and deal with this Compact-reject. I think he had enough fun for tonight.”

“Sure thing, Lenaye,” rumbled krogan, hauling the drell away.

Lenaye turned back to Lexi, flashed her the most brilliant smile and sat on the stool drell was aiming at.

“Sorry for this jerk. Security’s been lax today, this place is usually a lot more classy.”

Lexi raised an eyebrow and looked around the club.

“Classy?” she asked, incredulous.

“Yep. As in not allowing beautiful girls to be accosted by some junkies.” Lenaye winked at her and Lexi felt her cheeks getting warmer. For a second she wondered if she didn’t imagine that wink on the stage.

“I believe, the purpose of security is in keeping patrons off dancers, not other patrons,” Lexi pointed out, deciding not to acknowledge the compliment, but still feeling slightly lightheaded for it. How much did she drink?

“Hmm, true. It’s also their job to keep the club clean from stoners, but if I said that, I wouldn’t be able to call you beautiful in the same sentence.” Lenaye’s eyes sparkled at seeing Lexi’s blush fully blossom. “Also, I’m _really_ sorry that idiot had bothered you. So sorry, that I simply insist on buying you a drink as an apology.”

Lexi softly laughed, before nodding her consent, the blush never leaving her cheeks.

“Smooth,” she noted. Lenaye’s smile widened.

“I know,” then she motioned to the bartender with two finders. Alas, said bartender – a young turian, who was polishing glasses nearby – had his eyes glued to Lenaye’s chest ever since she approached the bar. When he didn’t react to her order, she leaned over and started snapping her fingers in front of him. “Thessia to Palaven! Dude, you can look as much as you want, as long as you bring me and my friend our damn drinks!”

Turian flinched, snapping out of his reverie, mumbled “Sorry, Lenaye,” placed two drinks in front of them and quickly made himself scarce. Lenaye watched him go, rolled her eyes and then looked back at Lexi.

“Males, I swear. No matter the species, they can’t focus on more than one thing at once.”

Lexi took her drink, sipped it and appraisingly looked at Lenaye over the rim of her glass, her gaze lingering exactly where the bartender’s eyes had been a minute ago. A second later she caught herself and her panicked mind immediately supplied:

“I’m quite certain that existence of breasts proves that males can focus on at least _two_ things at once.”

Lexi mentally slapped herself on the forehead and vowed not to drink anything from this point forward. _Ever_. However, Lenaye had laughed at her joke, a pure and unrestrained sound that Lexi decided she quite liked.

“That’s a really good point,” agreed the dancer. Lexi shrugged.

“I’m a scientist. Well, a student of science,” she corrected herself. “Proving theories is my job.”

“Scientist, really?” Lenaye seemed genuinely interested, her beautiful violet eyes never left Lexi’s. “What’s your field?”

“Medicine.”

“Ah, you’re a doctor, then,” purred Lenaye with only a hint of teasing.

“A future one, but yes,” Lexi looked directly at the girl with a slight challenge in her eyes. “Why, you’re interested in the field?”

“Nope, mostly interested in learning your name,” Lenaye’s eyes sparkled.

“Oh,” didn’t she blush enough for today? “I’m Lexi.”

“Nice to meet you, doctor Lexi,” another purr. “I’m Lenaye, by the way.”

“Yes, I’ve heard.” Lexi smiled and, unsure of where to lead from here, tentatively asked. “Not a fan of science, then?”

Lenaye shook her head slowly.

“Hmm, no, not really. Although I once read an article on the dangers of drinking. It was some scary shit. After that I decided – that’s it, no more reading.”

Caught off guard, Lexi laughed, and Lenaye’s smile turned into a wide grin.

“I don’t suppose you remember the article’s title, then,” said Lexi teasingly. “I’d love to read it.”

_Actually, I really would…_

“Oh, I can sum it up for you,” nonchalantly answered Lenaye and leaned closer, brushing her foot along Lexi’s calf. “It went like this: if you drink vodka over ice it can give you kidney failure. Rum over ice – liver failure. Whiskey over ice – heart problems. Gin over ice – brain problems. So, apparently, ice is really bad for you.”

Despite the fact that a simple touch set her on fire, Lexi began rolling her eyes by the middle of the joke. However, she still chuckled at the end.

“You realize that medical students learn this and about a hundred other medial jokes in their freshman years?”

“Still made you laugh.” Lexi hummed, agreeing. “What else do medical students learn?”

Lexi decided it was her turn to make Lenaye blush.

“All sorts of things. As physicians we learn different hands-on techniques, like massage, for example. How to touch, _where_ to touch.” Ah, there it goes. Lenaye’s cheeks became slightly darker, and Lexi allowed herself a pleased smile. “Too bad you don’t like reading, I could send you all sorts of _fascinating_ articles regarding these techniques.”

“You know, I might make an exception for something so… _practical_.” Lenaye licked her lips and suddenly all the warmth and heat Lexi was feeling rushed to her lower regions.

“Well,” she cleared her throat and decided to slow down a bit. “Seriously though, it depends on the specialty.”

“And what area do you study specifically?”

Lexi paused. Five minutes ago she wasn’t even considering meeting anyone new in this bar. In fact, she turned down every patron who approached her. But then, there was something about this girl... Lexi bit her lower lip and then tentatively asked.

“I thought you weren’t interested in science.”

Lenaye’s sudden soft smile was even more beautiful that her earlier flirtatious ones, and Lexi felt her breath catch.

“No, but I am interested in getting to know _you_ better.”

Lexi swallowed thickly and felt her lips stretching in an answering smile.

“Well, currently I aim for degrees in internal medicine and traumatology. So, massages aren’t outside my professional sphere of interest,” she teased. “But I hope to add a psychiatry to that at some point.”

Lenaye chuckled.

“What, getting into people’s heads as an ordinary asari wasn’t not enough for you, and you decided to learn what makes them tick?”

“Actually, I prefer researching to simply knowing. Watching people, learning from them. In fact, I can think up several experiments that could be carried out in this very club,” said Lexi with a hint of enthusiasm and pride.

Lenaye snorted at that.

“Don’t know what that would look like, but the owner will probably have a fit.” She looked at her glass briefly, and then again at Lexi. “You know, I’m curious. What does psychiatry say about people who visit strip clubs?” she asked, taking a sip of her drink.

“That they are masochists.”

Lenaye nearly choked, prompting a short laugh from Lexi. Then Lexi explained.

“Well, the regulars here are. From psychiatric point of view strip club’s regulars have masochistic tendencies. They form attachments to dancers, but fail to realize that these feelings can never be returned. The dancer will never commit to the regular’s wellbeing, or meet him outside the club…” Lexi trailed off, having realized what she’d said, whom she’d said it to, and that these last words had for some reason immensely saddened her.

Lenaye, who was intently looking at her the whole time, suddenly stood up.

“That’s where your smart-ass scientists are wrong.” She took Lexi’s hand and pulled her toward the exit. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?” Lexi asked, incredulous. She didn’t resist, however, and followed Lenaye.

“Outside the club.”

* * *

**Several months later**

Lexi smiled, when she felt someone pressing against her back and an arm sneaking around her midsection, followed by a ghost of soft lips on her neck.

“Lenaye,” she said in a half-amused and half-chastising tone.

“Lexi,” came an unrepentant husky whisper at her ear, followed by a few more insistent kisses up her neck, getting closer and closer to her crest.

“I have to study,” said Lexi, managing to sound firmer.

Instead of a reply, hand that was loosely holding her close to Lenaye shifted, and Lenaye began slowly lifting the hem of Lexi’s shirt, teasing her stomach with fingertips, as her hand moved up.

“All you do is study. Take a break,” came a soft whisper, and then tip of Lenaye’s tongue traced Lexi’s crest.

Lexi closed her eyes and silently prayed to the Goddess.

“I c-can’t,” she stammered. “I have to finish this article by the end of the week.”

“A short break,” ghost of Lenaye’s breath teased tips of Lexi’s crest, and then the maiden lightly bit one, causing Lexi to take in a sharp breath. Lenaye softened the bite by tracing it with her tongue and then wrapping her lips around the tip and sucking on it.

“It won’t be short. I know you,” protested Lexi, closing her eyes and enjoying the sensations. However, she sounded much less convinced than mere seconds ago.

Lenaye, apparently abandoning verbal convincing in favor of other oral methods, moved lower and began teasing small crestbuds, hidden under rigid cartilage, with her lips and tongue. Lexi shivered with delight and internally dreaded where this was going. She really did need to finish this artic…

Lenaye’s tongue moved even lower and found _the spot_ on Lexi’s neck. The spot, where asari crest’s nerve endings were centered. Lexi could have given a lecture on how important this spot was for asari physiology, except… _Goddess_ …

Color exploded behind her eyes. She was rapidly losing control.

“I see you did read some of the articles I’ve sent you,” Lexi managed to say, aiming for the dry tone, but ending up almost breathless as she desperately tried to stifle a moan. Then Lenaye increased the pressure and said moan still escaped Lexi’s lips.

Lenaye quietly laughed.

“I read those that sounded more like ‘ways to turn an asari on against her better judgement’, instead of ‘how to bore every maiden to the death’,” she said. Lexi chuckled.

“You could probably write a thesis on that first one,” she replied, turning around and drawing Lenaye into a searing kiss. After they broke apart, Lexi said. “Alright, you win. Just give me two minutes to finish this part.”

Lenaye cocked her head to the side and traced her finger along Lexi’s crest, toward her ear, and then along her jaw.

“Don’t make me wait too long,” she whispered, then turned, walked away, seductively swaying her hips, and disappeared into the bedroom.

Lexi sighed, watching her go, and then turned to her terminal. Her fingers rapidly flew over the holoboard – she had a very good motivation to finish this part swiftly now. However, as she wrote the last paragraph, her mind immediately supplied ideas for the next section. Lexi, afraid that she might forget those crucial details, began placing notes, then outlying the sections, then expanding them and detailing…

When Lexi sipped her tea, she grimaced. Cold. And then she froze, remembering.

_Goddess…_

When she walked into bedroom, Lenaye was peacefully lying on the sheets, her eyes closed. Lexi called her name several times, but Lenaye didn’t stir. Lexi sighed, looked at the clock and scowled. She was used to loosing track of time, but that was a whole new level.

Sighing again, Lexi left her sleeping lover and returned to the terminal to finish her paper.

* * *

**A week and a few days later**

Lexi was drumming her fingers onto the table, while waiting for Lenaye to answer her vid-call. They haven’t talked for a while – since the night Lexi was finishing her article, to be exact – but that wasn’t why Lexi couldn’t wait to talk to her. She was excited – she’d just come up with a perfect initial assessment experiment for her research on krogan virility, and what made it even more ideal was the fact that she could spend some time with Lenaye while doing it.

Lenaye answered the call, her face appearing on Lexi’s omni-tool. The maiden looked delighted to see Lexi at first, but then for some reason she schooled her expression and pursed her lips.

“Oh, hello, Lexi.” She said neutrally. “Surprised you called.”

Lexi noticed the strange greeting, but decided it was because Lenaye was still at work – she often ‘played cool’ in front of other employees while talking to Lexi over the vid-call. So, Lexi went ahead.

“Hello, Lenaye. I’m calling to ask if you have a day off tomorrow? I was hoping you could help me with some of my preliminary research?”

Lenaye looked at her with an expression of disbelief on her face.

“ _That’s_ why you’re calling?”

“Well, yes.” Lexi paused, carefully looking at her lover. Pursed lips, small frown… Lenaye looked displeased. Apparently, something was off. “Lenaye, is everything alright?”

“Aside from the fact that we haven’t talked since the night you gave up this…” she motioned at her body, and Lexi’s gaze immediately followed… And then snapped back to Lenaye’s eyes. “…for an article, and now you call only to ask for my help with another one… No, I can’t think of a single thing that could be wrong.”

If sarcasm could physically hurt people, Lexi would be a bleeding mess after that last sentence. Realizing she was the reason behind Lenaye’s mood, Lexi sighed.

“I didn’t give you up, I got… carried away.”

“You’re really not helping your case right now.”

Which, Lexi mused, she really didn’t. She was so consumed with her studies that she forgot about the flow of time... For an entire week. Still, she had a very good explanation for that too.

“Look, I’m sorry… I really am, but I’m having a rough time at the university right now. There’s one deadline after another, and… Remember there were weeks when you had to work several shifts in a row and we almost didn’t see each other? Well, just like back then, it’ll pass. I promise.”

Lenaye’s upset demeanor cracked and she hesitated. Apparently the subtle ‘you did something like that too’ rebuke worked. Lexi didn’t blame Lenaye for those weeks, when the maiden spent several nights at the club and then had to sleep her exhaustion off for a few days. But that didn’t mean Lexi couldn’t use this precedent for her own defense.

Lenaye sighed.

“Fine. I’ll help. What do you want me to do?”

Lexi smiled brightly and excitedly began to explain:

“Well, there’s some raw empirical data I need to gather…”

Lenaye raised her hand to stop Lexi.

“Could you give me a version for the uneducated, please?”

Lexi managed not to roll her eyes – she was just getting back into Lenaye’s good graces after all – and patiently explained.

“You and I will go to the Wards. I’ll need you to approach several krogan, strike a conversation with them, then ask a few questions – I’ll give you a list of them – and…”

“Lexi?”

Lexi paused.

“Yes?”

“Are you asking me to hit on a krogan?”

Lexi blinked.

“Not quite… Although, essentially… Yes. Is it a problem?”

Lenaye’s face was a stone mask. She cocked her head to the side and carefully looked at Lexi.

“Let me ask again. Are you, _my girlfriend_ , asking me to hit on some random krogan?”

Another pause.

“Well, it’s for science…”

Lenaye’s expression became an epitome of the word “incredulous”. Lexi sighed.

“Look, if I can’t find enough evidence for my theory through this empirical testing, the university will never sanction any further, more fundamental research…”

“So, you need to pimp me out to a krogan.”

“That’s not what I…”

Before Lexi could explain herself, Lenaye frowned, a question forming in her mind, and stopped her.

“Hold on, why do you need to pimp out _me_ specifically?”

Lexi sighed deeply and began telling Lenaye exactly what she was trying to say before the first interruption.

“I don’t need you specifically, I need someone who can provoke a positive, stimulating reaction in a krogan. Ideally I’d ask a krogan female to do this, but it’d be near impossible to find one on the Citadel, let alone convince her to participate. And asari are the only other species that can provoke necessary reactions in krogan.”

Lenaye smiled slyly at that.

“You mean, we’re the only ones who can make them horny instead of angry.”

“Essentially, yes.”

“Okay.” Lenaye narrowed her eyes. “Why can’t you do this yourself then?”

Lexi began explaining basic science procedure, her voice a monotone.

“First, as an observer I must be a non-participant in the experiment. And second, I need someone with a certain attitude. If I go and start talking to them…”

“Then you’ll go all clinical, analyze shit out of their words and they’ll immediately know something’s wrong?”

That was spoken with a slight but noticeable sharp undertone, which made Lexi frown. But instead of asking _What the hell, Lenaye?_ she said:

“Exactly. Which is why you would be perfect for this – you’re as close to a typical asari maiden as it gets and…”

Lenaye folded her arms across the chest. Lexi paused, sensing she said something wrong. Again.

“Lenaye?”

“You sure know how to make a girl to feel special.”

Of course. Calling someone you are in a relationship with “ _typical”_ is never a good move.

“You know I didn’t mean it as a bad thing.” Lexi tried to placate Lenaye.

“U-huh. Right.”

Lexi sighed. This whole conversation was going as smoothly as a salarian-krogan negotiation. It was time to play her best (or the only one) card.

“Look… I can’t force you to participate if you don’t want to, but… if it helps, think about it as a chance to spend some time with me.”

Lexi smiled, looking at her lover affectionately. Lenaye studied her for a long, long moment. Then she finally sighed and softly said:

“Fine. _Fine_ , I’ll help. Meet you at the Wards access tomorrow morning.”

Then she cut the connection. Still feeling slightly uneasy after the conversation, Lexi sat back and replayed it in her head, trying to pinpoint what exactly caused Lenaye’s displeasure. She thought the original point of Lexi not calling had been resolved, however the friction continued throughout the entire call. Then Lexi noticed that the most negative reaction from Lenaye arose when Lexi was talking about her in terms of the experiment. Lenaye was responding perfectly fine both times when Lexi mentioned their relationship – even when she essentially accused Lenaye of neglecting her for a few weeks – but she became prickly every time Lexi explained her role in the observation. Could it be the cause? And if it was, what _exactly_ disturbed Lenaye? Was she simply bored with science, and agreeing to help Lexi only because they were involved? Or was there some much deeper issue? Lexi decided she had to ask Lenaye when they met in person.

However, the next day, when the pair went down the Wards, they both had so much fun – Lenaye flirting with krogan males and Lexi amusing herself with their reactions – that the questions completely slipped Lexi’s mind, and when she remembered them, she decided the entire “tension” might have been the work of her imagination.

Perhaps, there was no issue at all?

* * *

**Two weeks later**

Lenaye’s one arm was wrapped around Lexi’s shoulders as they were lying on a bed in Lexi’s apartment. They have just finished a string of very strenuous and highly pleasurable activities that began somewhere at the front door, and Lenaye was gently tracing the side of Lexi’s crest as she looked with a slightly smug expression at her worn out lover, who was cuddled up into her. However, for the past minute or so Lexi looked like she was solving some very difficult problem in her mind – she stared at the wall, biting her lip and slightly frowning. Lenaye couldn’t help herself, she reached out and smoothed the wrinkle between her eyes with a finger.

“Look at you, all deep in thought again. And here I was trying to fuck it all out of you,” she teased. “Mission definitely not accomplished. I’ll have to try harder then.” Her left hand sneaked lower to stroke Lexi’s nipple, and with her right hand she pulled Lexi in for a soft, lazy kiss.

When they both broke apart, smiling, Lexi said,

“Despite how promising that sounds, I’m quite certain we’re both spent for tonight.”

Lenaye languidly stretched her limbs and grinned.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” She snuggled closer to Lexi and, gently stroking her neck folds, asked. “What were you thinking about?”

Lexi’s smile widened.

“Remember the experiment I asked you to participate in? The one about krogan virility?”

Lenaye threw her head back onto the pillow, rolled her eyes and groaned.

“Seriously? How can you think about krogan sex parts and whatever, when we’ve just banged?!”

“Well, you’re not only amazing in bed, but you’ve also done wonderfully during our little research spree.” Lenaye tensed slightly and Lexi began stroking her arm. Her head was now resting slightly above Lenaye’s breast, so she didn’t see her lover also frown at the comment. “After observing your interaction with krogan specimens I’ve managed to find some very convincing…”

Before she could finish her sentence, Lenaye suddenly pulled away and sat upright.

“Fuck, Lexi! I’m not some subject for a thesis of yours!” her voice was uncharacteristically terse as she half-turned toward Lexi.

Lexi frowned, unsure about the reason behind Lenaye’s outburst. Then she remembered their tense vid-call before the experiment and carefully asked:

“Of course not, Lenaye, what makes you say that? Is it about the experiment? If you didn’t want to do it, you should have just said so.”

Lenaye shook her head vehemently.

“It’s not just about that! In fact, it’s not at all about your damn experiment! Hell, I even liked it in a way. I like spending time with you, Lexi. _A lot_ , if you haven’t figured that out yet.” She gestured between their naked forms meaningfully and then continued in a softer tone. “I want… This. Us, together, having fun… Maybe _more_.” She looked so vulnerable when she said that, and Lexi smiled and tried to answer _I want that too_. But Lenaye wasn’t finished. She set her jaw, and Lexi felt her stomach churn slightly – the look on Lenaye’s face was… well, Lexi knew enough of psychology to understand, that it didn’t bode well for both her and their relationship. “But it’s like _you_ don’t even care who is next to you. You love your research more than anything in your life, Lexi. More than…” her throat tightened, and Lenaye didn’t finish that sentence. Instead, she continued. “Sometimes it looks like you care, but then the next second you are detached and clinical, and then I feel like you don’t give a shit after all. I feel… I feel like I’m just another test subject that you string along for some long-term experiment of yours.”

Lexi’s pain at hearing these words reflected in her expression.

“Oh, Lenaye, that’s not true…” she trailed off suddenly, seeing Lenaye narrow her eyes. Lexi immediately realized her mistake, but it was too late.

“’Not true’? So now you know what I feel better than I do? But of course, I shouldn’t be surprised that great doctor Lexi T’Perro has us all figured out! That everyone around her has been meticulously analyzed and then sorted into neatly catalogued groups!” Then she leaned forward aggressively, so that her face was now maybe ten inches from Lexi’s. “By the way, which group am I, experimental or control?”

The was so much venom in her voice that Lexi shuddered. But she understood Lenaye wasn’t thinking straight, so she had to defuse the situation by herself. She reached out to her lover gently, trying to cup her face, but Lenaye batted her hands away.

“Lenaye…”

“Don’t!” Her voice again softened a fraction. “You know, back when we first met, when I was on stage, you didn’t look at me the same way as everyone else. I thought, maybe it means there could be something real.” Then her gaze and words hardened. “But now I know, you look at everyone the same damn clinical way. We’re all just potential experiments for you. Hell, you even said that yourself back then!”

“Lenaye, please, listen to me…” Contrary to her plea, Lenaye got up from the bed and began quickly dressing herself. Her movements, usually slow, smooth and graceful, were now short, precise and angry. “Wait, where are you going?”

“Leaving you to your fucking experiments.” Lenaye bit off bitterly.

Lexi quickly got up herself, but stopped short of approaching her lover. She tried to reason with her once again.

“Lenaye, wait. Please, calm down and let’s talk about it…”

“Stop trying to use your psychoanalytic shit on me!” Lenaye snapped, making Lexi flinch. Then she moved to the door and opened it. “I hope you and you fucking science will be very happy together.” She said sarcastically over her shoulder. “Don’t call me anymore.”

With that she slammed the door behind her.


	2. Iryx

**45 years before launch of Andromeda Initiative**

This was shaping out to be the most wonderful evening Lexi had in several decades. Today she managed to leave work early, dine at one of the best restaurants on the Citadel and now she was having a peaceful stroll through the Presidium.

Oh, and all of that had happened in the company of a loveliest asari ever.

Iryx worked as a secretary in the asari embassy. One day, during a hosted meeting between elcor and turian diplomats, the discussion became heated and that led to a literal fight. Asari mediators managed to break both sides apart with biotics, but not before turian ambassador to Dekuuna was injured. Iryx was tasked with escorting him to the hospital, and there a young asari doctor caught her eye. The doctor was confident, professional, with sharp mind and even sharper wit. When turian ambassador tried to push his weight around, she had none of it. With several words the doctor reduced him to a sputtering child and then kept coldly bossing him around through the entire treatment process. It was probably the hottest sight Iryx had seen in almost three centuries of her life. However, frustrating as it was, the doctor never once looked Iryx’s way, so busy she was with her patient. Iryx couldn’t let that stand, so, after driving the diplomat back to the embassies, she returned to the hospital and waited until the doctor’s shift had ended. Then she flirted with her outrageously, and finally doctor Lexi T’Perro agreed to go on a date with her.

Lexi was immediately smitten by this tall, gorgeous, purple skinned young matron, who turned out to be gentle, kind and funny. First date led to a second one, then to third… And here they were, several dates later, walking through a park on the Presidium, both thinking the same thing.

“I don’t want this night to end,” said Lexi, stopping and turning toward Iryx.

Iryx smiled, and Lexi thought it was the most radiant smile she had ever seen.

“Oh?” said Iryx, tentatively placing a hand on Lexi’s hip and slowly pulling her closer. “Do you have any ideas as to how to prolong it?”

“Maybe,” whispered Lexi, sliding her hands behind Iryx’s neck and pulling her in for a kiss. Iryx had to lean in slightly – she was a few inches taller than Lexi. When they pulled apart, Lexi continued. “My ideas involve you and all sorts of strenuous activities… Although I’m still not sure where we should go – your place or mine?”

“Mine,” breathed Iryx taking Lexi’s hand and pulling her toward a rapid transit. “It’s only a few minutes away.”

To reach a skycar lot the pair had to go down the main alley of the park. As they were passing some benches, Lexi’s glanced in a direction of people sitting there – other couples, families... Then she frowned. One elderly human was sitting alone, slightly bent to his side, with his head back. Pale, he was breathing heavily and holding left side of his chest.

Lexi stopped dead in her tracks, and Iryx turned around, surprised.

“Lexi? Is everything okay?”

“That human over there? I think he’s in pain.”

“Oh,” Iryx looked at the man. “Maybe he’s just drunk?” Iryx tried to pull Lexi the way they were going, but Lexi shook her head and started in the direction of the bench.

“I don’t think so.” She reached the human and sat next to him. “Sir? Are you in pain?”

The man looked at Lexi and nodded weakly.

“Yes… My chest…”

Lexi turned to Iryx, who came closer with an uncertain expression on her face.

“Iryx, call an ambulance.” Then she turned back to the human. “Sir, I’m a certified medic, I work in the Huerta Memorial Hospital.” She pulled her credentials on the omni tool for the man to see. “I need your consent, so that I could scan you and stabilize your condition until the ambulance arrives.”

Another weak nod. “Please… Help…”

Lexi stood up, placed her bag on the seat and quickly fished out a pill, two syringes and two ampoules. Then she scanned the human, swore under her breath and put the pill into his hand.

“Sir, your blood pressure is high, so you’ll have to place this pill under your tongue and hold it there.” When the man complied, Lexi turned to syringes. “Now I’m going to give you two shots – one is a painkiller, it’s going to ease your chest pain until the medical team arrives, and the second one is an anti-trombonic, to make sure your heart doesn’t stop.” When the man expressed his consent, Lexi administered the shots. Then she waved her omni-tool over the patient once again and began keeping track of his vitals. She was only barely aware or Iryx still standing next to her.

The ambulance shuttle came exactly one minute and forty-two seconds later. When paramedics jumped out of it, Lexi immediately recognized the crew – they were stationed at her hospital. However, one face among them came as a surprise.

Lexi met intern Harry Carlyle on one of the medical conventions, where he had moderated a panel. A last year student, he was so enthusiastic, that Lexi immediately knew they were going to be friends. Recently she invited Harry – a star student of his year – to do an internship at her hospital and study under some of the best physicians on the Citadel. He accepted the invite and often worked shifts with her and other doctors, although he was never assigned to an ambulance before.

However, she could ask him why he was here later. For now, she nodded, briefly smiled at her friend, then turned to the medic in charge and reported.

“Patient is a human male, 78 years old. Scans indicate myocardial infarction and heightened blood pressure levels. Two minutes ago, patient was given five milligrams of _pediatosol_ * orally, five milligrams of _divipirone_ * and ten milligrams of _tolefranil_ * intravenously.”

Medic – a salarian, who had also recognized Lexi – listened carefully, while downloading the scans from Lexi’s omni-tool and starting a scanning routine of his own.

“Thank you, doctor T’Perro,” then he turned to the patient. “Sir, how are you feeling right now?”

“Better,” rasped the man. He really did look somewhat more alive, although he still breathed heavily. “The pain is duller now.”

The salarian doctor nodded.

“Good. Still, while your condition is stable right now, the effect is temporary. You’ll have to come to the hospital with us. There we can make sure something like this doesn’t happen again.” The salarian paused, comparing the scan from several minutes ago – the one Lexi sent him – to the patient’s current condition. “I must say, sir, it was a very close call for you. You are lucky doctor T’Perro was here.”

The human weakly smiled at Lexi, before being helped to his feet and led away to the shuttle. “Thank you, doctor.”

After the man entered the shuttle, Harry approached Lexi.

“Well done,” he said, smiling. “Sorry about your date, though.” He nodded at Iryx. “Although, I must say – you wouldn’t be yourself if you didn’t get to doctor while on a date.”

“True.” Lexi threw a sad glance in the direction of Iryx, who was standing a few meters away, shifting from one foot to another and looking at the medics uncertainly. Then a wry smile tugged at Lexi’s lips “Well, I’ll just have to make it up for her now.”

“Uh,” now Harry looked uncomfortable. “Actually, I was going to ask you to come with us. It’s doctor Nurava’s shift today, and you know how she is. I noticed you didn’t exactly do ‘by the book’ emergency treatment. I understand why, I’ve seen the scans, but she won’t listen to the paramedics or to me. She does respect you though.”

“Shit,” Lexi pinched the bridge of her nose. Doctor Nurava was a matriarch with the deepest knowledge of alien physiology and absolutely zero flexibility. She knew every protocol of every approved and recommended treatment method, but she never deviated from them, even when the situation called for it. Also, she usually dismissed anyone with less than 100 years of medical experience. “Fine, just let me explain it to Iryx.”

Then she walked over to her date and took her hands. Iryx looked at her questioningly.

“We can go now?”

Lexi sighed, looking up into Iryx’s beautiful eyes.

“Iryx, I’m sorry. I’ll have to escort the patient to the hospital, and Goddess knows how much time I’ll spend there.” At seeing Iryx’s crestfallen look, Lexi cupped her face. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” Then she tried to smile. “After all, it’s not every time some disaster is going to spoil our date.”

Iryx smiled in return.

“No, I suppose not.”

* * *

**Several months later**

Lexi didn’t remember much past the long, long elevator ride. She knew that she and Iryx walked in and then… She didn’t remember exiting, she didn’t remember opening the door, she didn’t remember entering the apartment, didn’t remember taking her coat off and didn’t remember moving into bedroom.

So, it’s fair to say, she was very surprised when her legs hit the edge of the bed and she almost fell on it. Almost, because Iryx, who was the main reason behind Lexi’s current memory lapse, kept her upright, holding Lexi close to herself. She didn’t even break the searing kiss that began somewhere on the way up here.

Then one of the hands firmly holding her in place slowly moved up. When soft fingers brushed the underside of Lexi’s crest, she moaned into Iryx’s mouth and fisted the fabric of her dress.

“Take it off,” breathed Lexi. Iryx, however, didn’t listen to her and began placing kisses along Lexi’s jaw, then down her throat. If her fingers, stroking Lexi’s sensitive folds were gentle, her mouth was definitely not. Lexi briefly wondered, how much shit Harry was going to give her tomorrow, when he’d notice the marks. Then a sharp bite robbed her of any further coherent thought.

Sensing that she is being lowered onto the bed, Lexi made sure Iryx followed her. When Iryx straddled her hips, bunching her skirt upward, Lexi ran her hands over Iryx’s supple thigs and, after reaching the dress, said once again. “Please, take it off.”

Iryx grinned and leaned in, placing a soft kiss on Lexi’s lips and at the same time teasingly running her hands from Lexi’s stomach, over her breasts and up to her neck.

“You first,” she whispered next to Lexi’s crest, and began unzipping her lover’s medical jumpsuit. When the zipper went all the way down, she helped Lexi shrug the top part of it off and then traced one of her hands down, lower and lower. Lexi arched into Iryx’s touch, closing her eyes in anticipation, and felt her lover’s hand slipping into her panties, almost touching…

Lexi’s omnitool buzzed and her eyes flew open. Then she tried to sit upright, but Iryx was still pinning her to the bed.

“Can you ignore it?” whispered Iryx, even though she very well knew the answer. As a doctor Lexi could be called into her hospital at any day and any hour, so she had to at least check the message and make sure it wasn’t an emergency.

“Not if it’s important,” Lexi said, sighing. When Iryx moved, she sat and looked at her omnitool. Then she scowled. “Shit.”

“What is it?” asked Iryx, also sighing and slightly frowning.

“I’m being called to the hospital,” said Lexi, looking at Iryx apologetically and affectionately stroking her arm. “One of my patients’ vitals had deteriorated suddenly, the resuscitation team is fighting for his life right now. I have to go.”

“Goddess…” Iryx moved again so that Lexi could stand up. “I… I’ll see myself out,” she said, quickly smoothing rumples on her dress and moving to get up from the bed. Suddenly a hand on her shoulder stopped her.

“Please, stay,” whispered Lexi, leaning in and placing a soft kiss on Iryx’s lips. “I can’t promise I’ll return soon, but… I want you to stay.”

Iryx’s gaze searched for something in her expression and, apparently, she found it, because the next second she smiled and nodded.

“Okay. I’ll stay.”

After kissing her lover second time, Lexi grabbed her bag and purposefully strode out of her apartment. Only after she climbed into a skycar and it took off toward the hospital, Lexi had allowed herself to think back to her very promising evening that was cut so short by a disaster.

_Worst. Timing. Ever._

* * *

**Two more months later**

It was only lunchtime, but Lexi felt like she’d just pulled a two-day shift. Which, she mused while walking to her office, wasn’t far from the truth. For the past two weeks she’d been staying late and later at work, returning home after midnight and well after Iryx had fallen asleep. Lexi smiled fondly, thinking about her partner, who had recently agreed to move in with her. Lexi hoped, that would allow them to see each other more often, but, alas, her work had decided differently…

Lexi stopped in front of the door to her office and placed her palm to a pressure panel. Before entering, she glanced over two signs on her door and rolled her eyes with mild exasperation. The first one was a standard _“Dr. Lexi T’Perro. Physician”_ sign, while the one below read: “ _Warning! Choose your words carefully. Anything you say may be thrown back in your face with vicious sarcasm_.” The sign was welded into her door by Harry on a day that, as he later explained to scandalized Lexi while stifling laughs, humans on Earth used as an excuse to prank their friends. After reading up a bit on an International Fools Day, later the same day Lexi reprogrammed the hospital’s announcement system, so that every time Harry came close to his patients it would loudly say: “ _Janitor Carlyle, please, stop disturbing the patients!_ ” Of course, Lexi was careful not to ruin Harry’s reputation, and she only did that with his human patients, who were in on a joke and happily participated.

By the end of that day they were both chewed out by matriarch Nurava, who told them the hospital was no place for such foolishness and “doctor T’Perro, I cannot stress enough how surprised and disappointed I am that you took part in it”. She also ordered them to take down the sign… which turned out to be impossible. Harry had obviously overdid this one, and for some reason keepers paid it no attention. Thus, the sign stayed, to the amusement of doctors and patients both.

When the door closed behind her, Lexi was surprised to find out there was someone waiting for her in the office. She was even more surprised when Iryx turned to her with a soft smile on her face.

“Iryx!” Lexi came closer to her partner. “Why are you here? Are you injured?” She quickly looked Iryx over, but didn’t notice any sign of her being hurt.

Iryx laughed and pulled Lexi in for a kiss.

“No, I’m not injured,” she said when they finally broke apart. Tracing Lexi’s jaw with her finger she continued. “However, _someone_ has been too busy with her work lately. That’s why I came to make sure you ate at least.” She motioned to the container of mouthwatering takeout food on Lexi’s table. “Besides, I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Lexi squeezed Iryx’s hand before letting her go. When she looked at the food, her stomach grumbled so loudly, that Iryx laughed again. Lexi glanced at her with a self-deprecating smile and took the container. “It’s very thoughtful. Thank you,” she said and took the first spoonful. “How did you manage to find time? Won’t they miss you at work?”

As Iryx explained, today her boss was stuck at hearings at the Citadel Tower. Humanity’s representative has been pushing for a seat on the Council, and, apparently, it takes an entire day to tell someone _‘No’_ for the hundredth time. So, minor clerks were all given one day off.

Iryx began telling Lexi an anecdotal story regarding volus ambassador, when suddenly Harry burst into the office.

“Doctor T’Perro, there’s an emergency… Oh, hi, Iryx.” Iryx waved at him weakly, smile gone from her face, and Harry turned back to Lexi. “I’m sorry to interrupt your lunch, but the drell from intensive care unit began asphyxiating. We’ve given him…”

While Harry kept relaying necessary information, Lexi was already halfway out of her office. At the door she remembered to shoot an apologetic glance at Iryx, and then both doctors left to save their patient.

Next several hours could be described as a complete nightmare to anyone not familiar with hospital’s everyday life. As soon as Lexi had dealt with the immediate patient, the hospital received an influx of traumatized people from a skycar accident. In the chaos that only doctors could work in, Lexi was moving from patient to patient, examining and treating, cutting and bandaging, sanitizing and anesthetizing. Several times she popped into her office to grab one file or another, and while she noticed Iryx was still there, she couldn’t allow herself to be distracted.

Finally, nearly all patients were dealt with. Leaving people with minor injuries to Harry and the rest of interns, Lexi returned to her office.

Iryx was _still there_.

She was still there and she was… well, she wasn’t pissed, though Lexi half expected her to be after waiting for her for so long, but she had an odd, contemplating look on her face.

“Iryx, I’m sorry.” Lexi waved in a direction of a door with a sigh and a small smile. “This job is one never-ending crisis. You shouldn’t have waited for me.”

“You could have said so. You’ve seen me. Several times, in fact.” Iryx’s voice was quiet, and as she spoke, she looked at her hands. “Though I suppose you were so busy that you didn’t notice me.”

“Iryx.” Lexi sighed again and moved her chair to sit next to her lover. Then she took Iryx’s hands into her own. “Of course, I noticed you were still there. And I never forgot. But when I work…” Lexi chewed on her lip, thinking. “Do you know what triage is?”

Iryx briefly looked up at her when their hands connected, but as she spoke her eyes were once again downcast.

“I know the word. That’s how medics decide in which order to help people, right?”

“Yes, but it’s a bit more than that.” Lexi began drawing circles on Iryx’s hands with her thumbs. “When dealing with several patients I have to sort them into different groups. There are immediate patients, who need to be treated right away; severe ones, who need constant observation and to be treated as soon as possible; and minor ones – I can deal with them after everyone else.” She lowered her head slightly. “The thing is, this way of thinking is hammered into us since med school, so by now it’s more of a reflex, a habit. I always sort people into categories. Those who need help get my full attention, and the rest…”

“Is lover also just another category for you?” Iryx asked, looking up, meeting Lexi’s gaze and looking at her intently. Her voice was still quiet, but there was some desperate undertone in it. “Is everyone else just something unimportant, something to put away until you have nothing else to do?”

“No, of course not!” Lexi squeezed Iryx’s hands tighter. “Look, I understand that this approach might seem cold, but it helps to save lives. It’s _essential_ for saving lives. My patients’ very existence depends on me and there is never a room for a mistake. I _must_ devote my whole attention to their problems so that I don’t fail them.” She smiled and cupped Iryx’s face with one hand. “But it doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you. It doesn’t diminish my feelings for you.”

Iryx leaned into Lexi’s touch.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said so,” she said, smiling slightly. “I know that you care, and I understand that your job is… _demanding_.” She sighed, after deciding on the word. “But, Lexi, even doctors can’t work to the exclusion of everything else. They have families, friends… Life.” Lexi silently went over the list of her colleagues and realized that she knew only four doctors who didn’t have established families, and two of them weren’t single. And one of the remaining two was Harry. Meanwhile, Iryx went on. “We barely see each other. We live together now and I _still_ rarely see you. It’s not normal, Lexi. I _want_ to see you, to talk to you, to be with you. When I return home from work, I want to know that you’ll be there, or at least that I’ll get to fall asleep next to you. And when I do fall asleep, I want to know that, when I wake up, you won’t be gone because you’ve had to leave in the middle of the night for some crisis or other.” Her voice suddenly broke and she shook her head, once again looking at their joined hands.

Lexi’s chest constricted as she watched Iryx’s dejected expression. She began moving her thumb over her lover’s hand in circles, trying to soothe her.

“Iryx, it’s just a period. It happens. Some people have backlogs and deadlines, and doctors sometimes have difficult patients, or just a lot of them. It won’t always be like this, it’ll pass.”

Iryx nodded, but her expression didn’t change.

“So you keep saying.” She squeezed Lexi’s hand, then let it go and got up to her feet. “I have to go, I promised my coworker to help her with some files.” She pointed at the container with the food. “And you’ll have to reheat your food, it has gone cold.” With that she left. Lexi belatedly thought she should have kissed Iryx goodbye.

With a sigh, she took the container and placed it inside the omni-cooker, setting it for one minute reheat. However, before the cooker managed even to finish its routine, she was called back to her patients once again.

* * *

**Three months later**

Lexi was straddling Iryx, her hands roaming all over her lover’s half naked body, and Iryx’s eyes already began swirling with black. Just seeing this made Lexi shiver with excitement. She leaned in and began placing kisses, first on Iryx’s neck, then down her chest. Then she moved slightly to the left, and when her mouth brushed Iryx’s nipple, her lover gasped.

“Lexi, I need you to… I want you…”

Suddenly Lexi’s omnitool buzzed. She sighed.

“Hold that thought.” She said in a husky voice, straightening and looking at her ‘tool. Then her face fell. “Oh…”

“What is it?” asked Iryx, pursing her lips. Judging by her decidedly not-pleased expression, she very well knew what it was. Again. Lexi looked at her lover apologetically.

“There is an influx of emergency patients at the hospital. Apparently, Serrice fans don’t know how to lose, and Armali fans don’t know how to pull punches.” She sighed. “Medics from the emergency room are asking if anyone can come and help them.”

Iryx frowned and propped herself up on her elbows.

“That isn’t an order, is it? Sounds more like they are asking for volunteers.”

Lexi nodded, but she still looked slightly grim.

“They do. But I have to go anyway.”

Iryx’s eyes widened at that and she opened her mouth, looking at Lexi with unbelieving expression on her face.

“What? Why?” she demanded. “If they are not calling for you specifically, then they have things under control, right?” That last sentence was spoken almost pleadingly.

Lexi sighed.

“True, but still. There are people hurt and I can help.” Iryx rolled her eyes at that and threw herself back on the bed, huffing and staring at the ceiling. Lexi looked at her questioningly and reached to cup her cheek. “Iryx?”

“Don’t, Lexi,” she said, firmly, but gently moving Lexi’s arm away. “Just… just go.”

Lexi paused, feeling that she had to say something to reassure her partner. But then her omni-tool beeped once again, and she hurried to get up and leave for the hospital.

The apartment was quiet when Lexi returned home. Assuming Iryx was well asleep by now, Lexi tiptoed into the bedroom, her lips curling into a smile at the thought of finally going into the bed and falling asleep beside her lover.

That smile vanished when Lexi saw the state of the room.

The wardrobe was flung open, and various drawers on Iryx’s nightstand were pulled out. Iryx’s things were gone. Her trunk, that was dusting under the bed ever since Iryx moved in, wasn’t there as well. Her clothes, her toiletries – everything was gone… And gone was Iryx herself.

The bed was made up, and on its corner lied a datapad. When Lexi approached and took it, its screen lit up, revealing a note.

_Lexi,_

_I can’t take this anymore. I’m leaving. And I’m sorry._

_I feel terrible writing it. You are a doctor, and, please, believe me, I understand. Your job is important, you are helping so many people, saving so many lives. But I cannot live like this. I cannot live with a person whose life is not her own._

_This is not your fault. You are wonderful and dedicated, and I will always treasure the time we’ve spent together. Goddess, I think I could love you… maybe I already do. I want to have a future with you, but it’s not possible unless you are **in it**. And you… Your work takes the entirety of you, and all that’s left for me are stolen moments._

_I pray to Goddess that someday you’ll find true happiness._

_Iryx_

Lexi stared at Iryx’s signature for several minutes, desperately trying to wrap her mind around what was happening. Then she felt like the floor was suddenly crumbling under her feet, and she sat heavily on the edge of the bed. Just a few hours ago she had everything… and now, looking at a half-empty room, she felt like a gaping void opened somewhere within her chest.

Iryx wrote _I pray… that someday you’ll find true happiness._ But Lexi _was_ happy. She was happy with Iryx. And now… now her devotion to her job had cost Lexi something wonderful, something rare, something… Lexi squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, willing herself not to cry.

For the first time in her life she hated her job.

Suddenly her half-empty bedroom felt suffocating. Lexi jumped to her feet. She needed to get out of here, she needed to sort things out. Then she remembered that earlier today Harry asked her if she wanted to join him in a bar after work. He said something about having good news, but Lexi stayed home, because she wanted to spend her free time with… with…

Shaking her head again to clear it, Lexi messaged Harry, asking him if his invitation was still valid. The response came almost immediately – apparently, Harry was already at the bar… alone. Lexi, too soul-wrecked to think whether that was strange or not, quickly grabbed her bag and left the apartment.

* * *

**Twenty-eight minutes later**

Harry’s expression was darkening as he was slowly reading and rereading Iryx’s note. But Lexi didn’t see it, she was staring at the bottom of her glass as if the world around her ceased to exist. After she told Harry what happened, and he busied himself with reading the epitaph of her relationship with Iryx, Lexi began going over their last conversations. Could she have said something different? Could she have done something different? As Lexi remembered more and more times, when she put Iryx and her wishes aside for the sake of her job, she realized with a dull ache that every time she did that, she was hammering another nail into the coffin of her love life.

_No wonder Iryx couldn’t take it anymore…_

“Bullshit,” said Harry, finally dropping the datapad on a table. It fell with a loud clanking sound, startling Lexi from her thoughts.

“Which part?” she asked, not even moving to take the datapad away from him. She suddenly felt very tired, as if even raising her glass took a titanic effort. Clinical part of her brain immediately dubbed her condition as an after-stress fatigue. The small non-clinical part told the rest of her brain to fuck off, because calling what happened today a ‘stress’ was an understatement of a century.

“This whole thing!” Harry waved over the datapad, disgust plainly written all over his face. “She broke up with you _with a note_ , Lexi. I admit, I don’t know much about asari dating habits, but for humans that’s as low as the lowest blows go.”

“Yes, for asari too, thanks for pointing that out,” Lexi said dryly. Harry looked at her, sympathy shining in his eyes, and then continued his rant. In the beginning he tried to calm his voice, but his speech became angrier in the matter of seconds.

“At least she’s somewhat admitted that it’s her own damn fault. I’d give her credit for honesty, if she’d at least had the decency to say it to you in person, instead of running away like a damn coward!” Harry was positively seething. Lexi briefly wondered if several whiskey shots he apparently drank before she even got here had something to do with his uninhibited reaction… Or was it his own experience talking? Harry was young, but Lexi knew he had a fair share of failed relationships as well.

“She was probably trying to make it easier…” she murmured, thinking back to her soft and kind lover... ex-lover. Emotional part of her brain still refused to believe Iryx would do anything to hurt her. Not unless Lexi had screwed things up first.

“Only to herself!” Harry leaned forward, fixing Lexi with an intense glare. “Lexi, we haven’t been friends for long, but I think I can guess what you’re thinking pretty well. Don’t try to excuse her and put the blame on yourself.” He leaned back in his seat, taking a deep breath. “But I can agree with her on at least one thing. You _are_ a wonderful person – I’d know, I wouldn’t have anyone lesser for a friend – and if she isn’t willing to cope with your job being demanding, if she can’t handle the whole package – both you as a person and as a doctor – then she is _not_ worth your time and your tears.”

As he said that last part, Lexi realized that she actually allowed a tear slip from her eye and quickly wiped it. Harry’s words were true – she _did_ blame herself, but even though his vehement defense of her did make her feel slightly better, it didn’t convince her.

“That’s the point, Harry,” she said sadly, finally putting her glass on the table and deciding she no longer wishes to finish her drink. “I’ve been so busy being a doctor, that I neglected my partner.”

“Are you kidding? Lexi, you didn’t neglect her, you’ve been constantly making time for her! How many research opportunities did you turn down to be with her?”

“Not enough, apparently.”

Harry’s shoulders slumped and he studied Lexi’s face intently.

“You really loved her, didn’t you?” He gently asked. When Lexi just nodded, he sighed deeply. “Well, shit. There’s nothing I can say to make it better then, is it?”

Lexi smiled weakly, reached for his hand and squeezed it tightly.

“You _are_ helping. You are here.” _And she is not_ , thought Lexi, and her throat tightened. Trying to switch from thinking about Iryx to something – _anything_ – else, she asked Harry. “Anyway, why did you call me here in the first place?”

Harry sighed again, shaking his head.

“It’s… Nevermind. It’s unimportant compared to your problems.”

“Please, I’d like nothing more than to take my mind _off_ said problems. Especially if you have any good news.” Seeing the beginnings of the smile on his face, Lexi leaned forward. “ _Is_ it good news?”

Harry hesitated, but then his smile widened and he leaned forward as well.

“Alright then. Here it goes.” He took a deep breath and said. “I’ve finally received my medical license. I’m a full doctor now.”

Lexi’s eyes widened.

“Harry, that’s wonderful! We should be celebrating, not…” Her heart clenched once again when she remembered Iryx for a second, but then Lexi squashed the feeling and returned her attention to Harry. “Why did you only call me? We could ask our colleagues out, get together, celebrate.” Lexi knew that Harry, like her, didn’t have many friends outside work.

Harry’s smile became slightly sad.

“Well, I did ask them. And you. But everyone’s busy this evening – work, family, important business, you name it.” Lexi’s face fell, when she remembered she’d also declined Harry’s offer… and why.

“Harry, I’m sorry. It’s a big step for you, and you shouldn’t have to celebrate it alone.”

Harry only shrugged. “It’s okay, I understand. I think I’ll throw up a small celebration at work tomorrow, but today – you’re the only one who could make it.” He huffed. “Ironically, now that I know the reason, I wish you didn’t.”

Lexi’s face darkened for an instant, but then she shook her head and reached for her unfinished drink.

“It’s not about me, it’s about your accomplishment. I know how hard you’ve worked for this. So, congratulations, _doctor_ Harry Carlyle.” She saluted him with her glass. Harry did the same.

“Here’s to us, then.” He said, smiling. “Two accomplished individuals and talented doctors, who are _absolutely hopeless_ when it comes to relationships… and who are not in any way lessened by it.”

Lexi sighed.

“Do you have any idea how pathetic it sounds?”

Harry’s smile only widened.

“I think you’ve spelled ‘awesome’ wrong.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * the names of all drugs are made up


	3. Maxcus

**9 years before launch of Andromeda Initiative**

Lexi was happy.

She had just left her work – some five hours after her shift officially ended – after dealing with several particularly difficult cases, and her supervisor had just forced her to take two next days off. However, an unforeseen possibility of having a free time wasn’t the reason behind her uplifted mood.

Lexi was happy because someone waited for her back home. Someone, who wouldn’t be upset with her because she was held off at work; someone, who wouldn’t leave her for having to put some strangers’ lives above her own. Someone, who understood.

As soon as Lexi walked into an apartment she shared with her boyfriend Maxcus and placed her bag on a cabinet, she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her and a fleeting touch of a mandible on her crest.

“Saved a lot of lives today?”

Lexi smiled, briefly closing her eyes and enjoying rough, but gentle sensations of her lover’s attention.

“Quite a lot, yes.”

Lexi met doctor Maxcus Prickus – field medic turned surgeon – five years ago, when he transferred from Palaven to the Citadel. He worked in a different hospital from Lexi’s, and their paths might never have converged if not for an incident at the docks that set fire to almost a quarter of the station’s docking space. Many people were injured and every hospital sent their medics to help with triage and first aid. Maxcus and Lexi ended up in the same brigade, and after two sleepless nights and three days of hard and exhausting work two doctors began respecting each other. Then Maxcus asked Lexi out for drinks, and that respect turned into mutual liking, and then, a few dates later, into something more.

“That’s my girl,” he purred into her ear.

Lexi’s smile widened, she turned in his arms to face him and soundly kissed Maxcus.

Then the door buzzed, and they had to pull apart.

“Harry messaged me when you left from work, so I ordered some food.”

Lexi waited, smile never leaving her face, while Maxcus dealt with hanar delivery… man? jellyfish?.. Then he brought food to the dining room and they settled there.

This was a perfect relationship. Maxcus was attentive, strong, reliable and he loved Lexi. But, perhaps most importantly, as a doctor himself he _understood_ her in a way nobody else did before. He understood the demand of the job, and not only he never accused her of putting it above everything else, he _encouraged_ her. He was even proud of Lexi’s achievements.

Well… he was proud of most of them.

“How was your day?” Lexi asked, sitting on a sofa and opening a container with food. Maxcus sat next to her, draping his arm over the sofa’s back behind Lexi. Having eaten a few hours before, he only poured himself a glass of turian brandy.

“Quite hectic, to be honest,” he said, when Lexi settled into him. Lexi slightly turned her head and raised her eyebrows.

“How so? I thought you didn’t have much planned for today.”

“Which is exactly why doctor Ulorne asked me to help him in the emergency room,” Maxcus’ mandibles flared slightly, indicating his amusement. “There was a barfight down in the Wards, and instigators were sent to us. They were rather… _colorful_ characters.”

“Oh?” Lexi turned to Maxcus some more, checking his face carefully and making sure he wasn’t injured himself. “They weren’t krogan, were they?”

Maxcus laughed.

“No, they weren’t. Ulorne is a salarian, he knows that calling a turian for help with krogan is just asking for trouble.” He made a pause, sipping his drink. “No, they were _asari commandos_.”

Lexi relaxed.

“Well, I can’t say that’s unusual. Maidens who choose to become commandos usually get into all kinds of trouble.”

“They were matrons.”

Lexi, chewing on her dinner, lifted an eyebrow and stared at Maxcus with a skeptical look on her face.

“Led by a matriarch.”

Lexi choked. Maxcus laughed and patted her on the back.

“You okay?”

“You must be joking,” said Lexi instead of answering his question. “Maybe – maybe! – I could imagine a matron getting into a fight, especially if she’s a commando, but there’s no way any matriarch would allow something like that.”

Maxcus chuckled.

“Well, you should have seen _this_ matriarch. And no, I’m not joking. These commandos were sisters, and the matriarch was their mother. And they instigated a barfight.”

Lexi covered her eyes with her hand. She didn’t know if she should laugh or be mortified for her people.

“A matriarch is walking into a bar… You know, this whole story sounds like some terrible joke.”

“And I haven’t even gotten to the punchline yet,” teased Maxcus. “Try to guess what was the reason for fighting.” When Lexi just shrugged, Maxcus leaned closer, mirth sparkling in his eyes. “Apparently, one of the patrons was not happy with _aesthetic properties of the Citadel_. Insulted it even. Turned out, our commandos were not happy with said patron’s opinions.”

Lexi closed her eyes again. Mortified it is.

“I assume, C-Sec handled these miscreants after you took care of them?” she asked in a clipped tone.

Maxcus sighed.

“Unfortunately, they were bailed out by some human moneybag before I was even done. C-Sec said they were part of some research group or initiative,” he mulled it over and then remembered. “Ah, yes, ‘Andromeda Initiative’, that’s what it’s called.” When he saw Lexi’s blank stare, he asked. “Why, you’ve never heard of it? It’s the project that recruits different specialists and researchers to put them into a cryosleep for six centuries or so and then send them off to colonize Andromeda.” He chuckled contemptuously. “A silly endeavor, but it doesn’t lack ambition.”

The project’s description got Lexi’s attention.

“Silly? Why? That actually sounds really interesting. To achieve their goal, they will have to solve quite a lot of problems – engineering-wise and biology-wise as well. Think of all the scientific breakthroughs they could accomplish!”

Maxcus rolled his eyes.

“Lexi, it’s a fool’s errand. Our society’s current level of technology does not allow us to go anywhere farther than our galaxy. The amount of problems you’ve mentioned is not just great, it’s unsurmountable. These people are wasting money, resources and, most importantly, other people’s energy for something they will never achieve.”

Lexi paused. She knew the source of Maxcus spite toward this subject, they’ve had similar conversations before. Maxcus was a practitioner first and foremost, and he had always looked down on researchers. “People who can – heal, people who cannot – research!” – that was his motto. Of course, he understood and accepted the necessity for advancement, but he separated people who practiced medicine (or any other applied science) from people who studied it into two different castes. And, of course, one was lesser in his eyes than another. Moreover, he had always condemned research that couldn’t have immediate practical use. Even when it came to Lexi, he had always seen her as a doctor first (which she was), and viewed her various studies as a cute but inconsequential hobby.

Knowing all this, Lexi still had to try and convince him.

“But think about practical applications,” she carefully began. “This cryopod technology alone sounds potentially useful. If they manage to discover a way to preserve living organisms for long periods of time, it could save hundreds, if not thousands of lives. We could put terminal patients on hold, so that they’d survive until operation. Or we could freeze them until cure for their disease is found! Can you imagine?”

Maxcus’ mandibles trembled slightly, indicating his annoyance.

“Yes, it’s a wonderful food for imagination,” he replied sarcastically. “But that’s all there is. By the end of the day these people are distracting countless specialists from their jobs where they could make a real difference, to chase after hazy possibilities and ‘what ifs’.” He shrugged. “Besides, most of this research they are planning actually requires them to travel to Andromeda. And even if they do manage this feat – if! – everything they discover there will be lost to the majority of society here, back in Milky Way. Not to mention that during those six hundred years they will spend in cryo, science here will be pushed much farther, and all their findings might end up irrelevant.” His speech turned into an angry rant at this point, so he took a deep breath to steady himself and then finished his drink. “Please, don’t try convincing me that these people are doing something useful. Such projects are either made up by frauds or are destined for failure, and the only participants they attract are idealistic fools or trouble-makers like those whom I treated today.”

Lexi frowned. They’ve been discussing similar topics before, but Maxcus had never seemed so agitated. Also, this time Lexi couldn’t shake the feeling that his anger was directed at her. However, she shook this thought off and continued. Or, rather, tried to.

“But, Maxcus, just think about…”

“Enough, Lexi,” he cut her off with a stern voice. “I have no desire to think about these so-called researchers and their senseless Initiative.” His tone softened slightly. “Serious people like you and me have much more significant problems to devote our lives to.” Then he nodded at her dinner. “Besides, your food is getting cold.”

Lexi, tense and not quite sure what had just happened and how their conversation turned to an argument so quickly, returned her attention to the food. Silence stretched to the point where it became uncomfortable. Then Maxcus asked about her patients, and they once again started talking, this time both staying away from certain subjects. After a while tension dissipated, the argument was forgotten and their evening once again could be called lovely and pleasant.

This relationship was perfect… With a few hitches. But who doesn’t have those? Right?

* * *

**Several weeks later**

When Maxcus asked Lexi if she could invite Harry to dine with them, she was surprised. In fact, ‘surprised’ was a huge understatement.

Harry and Maxcus had a decent relationship. They respected one another as medical professionals and have always been quite pleasant around each other. However, Lexi knew that there was just the tiniest bit of enmity between the two. It was small enough for them to ignore and interact as if it wasn’t there (they were both grownup adults after all), but significant enough for Lexi to notice. It showed when Harry, usually almost as sharp and cheeky with his responses as she herself was, became slightly more reserved while in Maxcus’ company. It also showed when Maxcus, usually formal in his turian way, was suddenly becoming a bit more sarcastic, occasionally needling Harry. The tension was near nonexistent, but Lexi, being a psychiatry professional, immediately picked up on it.

Which was why she was _astonished_ that Maxcus had actually _asked_ to invite Harry.

“Well, he is your best friend and you’ve mentioned you two almost don’t see each other these days,” Maxcus tried to explain. And that was true – matriarch Nurava always kept trying to assign Harry and Lexi different shifts. Matriarch said that there was no sense in pairing her two best physicians, when apart they could cover more ground. Lexi and Harry, though, thought that Nurava was simply being an ass. “Besides, I have some news I wanted to share with you… and him,” continued Maxcus.

His explanation only created more confusion and more questions, but Lexi decided she could wait until the evening.

When Harry came to their apartment, they settled in the dining room. At first their conversation had been mostly about work and mutual acquaintances, and Lexi couldn’t help but feel that Maxcus was stalling.

Apparently, Harry felt it as well, because after a while he asked:

“So, Maxcus, why did you ask me to come? Lexi said, you have some news to share?”

Maxcus’s mandibles slightly trembled in what Lexi recognized as excitement.

“Yes, I do.” He placed his drink on a table and leaned back in a chair. Lexi had to force herself not to roll her eyes – Maxcus was clearly dragging this out. “A month ago, Huerta Memorial Hospital has made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. It took time to settle all the formalities, but… Starting next week I’m going to work there as a surgeon, full time.”

Lexi and Harry both stared at him, agape. Harry was first to recover – he politely smiled and inclined his head, mockingly saluting Maxcus with a glass.

“Congratulations then. I’m sure matriarch Nurava with be bouncing with joy when you join our team. A _‘by the book’_ surgeon like you must be a dream come true for her.” Lexi shot Harry a glare, but he pretended he didn’t notice.

“I can’t imagine matriarch Nurava behaving in any way other than professional,” answered Maxcus in a slightly condescending tone. “Although she did mention some of her doctors loved deviating from standard procedures a bit too much.” His gaze was fixed on Harry, but human doctor’s smile only widened. When Maxcus realized he wouldn’t get a reaction out of him, he continued airily. “Anyway, I’m overjoyed to work in such esteemed institution. Besides,” he turned to Lexi, giving her a turian version of a smile, “I’ll get to see my beloved a bit more often.” Lexi smiled too, but she couldn’t mask her frown. Maxcus noticed. “Lexi, you… you don’t seem happy about this.”

“I’m glad I’ll get to see you more often,” she firmly stated. She and Maxcus had discussed this before – while they both understood they couldn’t live a normal, orderly life, it didn’t change the fact that they both still wanted to be together, to meet, to see each other. Still, Maxcus’ decision created certain issues. “But I wish you’d told me. I’m concerned about ethics here. Dating a colleague will raise some questions.”

“You don’t need to worry about it,” said Maxcus, reaching and taking Lexi’s hand into his. “I spoke to matriarch Nurava about this, and she is well aware that _absolutely_ _no one_ in the hospital upholds professional ethics more than you are.” Lexi pursed her lips, sensing that this is another quip in Harry’s direction, but she let it pass, because Maxcus was still talking. “Besides, she knows we are almost family by this point.” When Lexi still didn’t seem quite convinced, he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. “Love, I would never do anything to jeopardize your career. Everything is settled.”

Lexi relaxed a fraction. Harry, who was still looking at them throughout the exchange, softened a bit and dropped his gaze. Then, after a few seconds of silence, he spoke.

“Well, since we’re talking about new beginnings, I also have an announcement to make.” When Lexi and Maxcus both turned to him, he asked, “Have you ever heard about the Andromeda Initiative?”

Lexi quickly looked at Maxcus. The turian let go of her hand and crossed his arms, his mandibles flaring in irritation.

“Yes, Lexi and I discussed this scam project a few weeks ago,” he said and then added sarcastically, “Why, did they make you an offer?”

Harry again smiled at him tightly.

“Something like that,” he said and then looked directly at Lexi. “I got in.”

Lexi’s head whirled toward Harry, her eyes wide.

“You mean… They are going to fund your research?” she asked, watching her friend closely and internally dreading his answer.

“That too… but I meant – I’m going to Andromeda.”

Maxcus snorted, but Lexi paid him no attention. For some reason news of Harry leaving had more impact on her than news of Maxcus transferring to her hospital. She tried to wrap her mind about it. _Harry was going to leave_. First, he’ll be gone from the hospital, since the Initiative was located somewhere in the Sol system. And then he’ll be just… gone. Put into cryosleep and sent two and a half million lightyears away. Lexi swallowed. Harry had been a fixture in her life for… Goddess, has it been thirty-six years already?

As if sensing her distress, Harry smiled softly at Lexi and told her warmly:

“Don’t worry, though, Lexi. The project won’t launch for quite some time – years, maybe even decades.” Harry and Lexi both ignored Maxcus’ soft scoff and quiet muttering: _If it will launch at all_. “Also, I don’t start for a few months at least, so don’t worry, I’ll still be able to take some of the patients off of you next month, just as I promised.”

Lexi absently nodded. She knew, what wasn’t said – _I’ll still be here for you for a while, so you’ll have time to get used to the thought that I’ll be gone_. She tried to imagine what it would be like, and she didn’t like what her imagination showed her. Then she wondered, if she’d live long enough for Andromeda colonists to get there and establish communications with the Milky Way. Maybe she’ll be able to talk to Harry again in six hundred years. Unless, the Initiative wasn’t planning to establish comms…

She was buried so deep in her thoughts, that she didn’t notice the turian equivalent of a frown Macxus sent her way. ~~~~

* * *

**Three hours later**

“I don’t like that he’s taking your patients.”

Lexi was loading dirty plates into a dishwasher, so she didn’t quite catch what Maxcus had said.

“Excuse me?” she asked, closing the machine and turning toward her boyfriend.

“Harry. I don’t like him taking away your work,” he repeated, crossing his arms and leaning onto the table with his hip.

Lexi huffed. Apparently, today the dislike two men felt toward each other reached a new level. At least for Maxcus. Sensing that this conversation won’t be short, she turned back and switched the dishwasher on. When the machine began its routine, Lexi wiped her hands with a towel and looked squarely at Maxcus.

“He’s not taking away my work, he’s doing me a favor,” she calmly tried to explain.

Maxcus only shook his head.

“It seems to me that he’s doing something else.”

Lexi sighed, resisting an urge to roll her eyes.

“And what do you think he’s doing?”

“That he takes your patients, finishes treatments you’ve assigned and then takes credit for it.” There was so much disdain in turian’s voice, that Lexi’s eyes widened. Apparently, she underestimated Maxcus’ feelings for Harry. And it seemed that today her boyfriend was done pulling punches.

However, boyfriend or not, Lexi wasn’t going to let him slight her oldest and probably only friend. She crossed her arms as well and sharply asked.

“Oh? Am I taking also credit for _his_ work when _he_ asks me to take over his patients?”

Maxcus’ posture relaxed slightly, his features gentled and he took a step toward her.

“Lexi, you’re a much better doctor than he is,” he softly spoke. “Of course, he asks you to help. It would be arrogant not to seek advice from someone who is more talented and experienced than he will ever be.” He paused, stopping short of touching her still crossed arms. “Lexi, I don’t like telling you this, but I think Harry is using you.”

This time Lexi did roll her eyes. She raised her hand and rubbed her temple. This conversation was absurd.

“Do you even hear yourself? It’s my friend you are talking about, Maxcus! I’ve known him for decades! I’ve known him longer than I’ve known you!” Lexi took a breath to calm herself. “Why did you even invite him today if you think this way of him?”

Maxcus set his jaw.

“I invited him before I knew he could be stealing your work,” he said almost petulantly.

Lexi tried to settle down. She had to stay rational if she wanted to end this argument and if Maxcus was to see reason.

“First, Harry is one of the best medical professionals on this station, if not in the entire Council space, and you well know it. There was never any reason to doubt either his competence or his ethics, and _you know that too_.” She paused, looking at Maxcus and making sure her words were heard. His mandibles flared angrily, but he nodded. “And second, _yes_ , we sometimes ask each other to take over our patients. We do that, because sometimes we need to make time and concentrate on our research.”

Suddenly Maxcus’ eyes widened and he almost recoiled, as if slapped.

“You give up your patients for _research_?”

The way he asked, it sounded as if Lexi abandoned a newborn child. Or left it on a railway to be ran over by a train. Lexi sighed. Sometimes turians could be such drama queens.

“I don’t give up anything or anyone, Maxcus. When most of my patients are on their way to be discharged, or when none have any life-threatening conditions, I sometimes allow myself to take a day off and go to the lab. And I ask Harry to look after them, because he is the only person in the hospital I trust with their lives.” She smiled wryly and stepped closer to Maxcus. “Maybe, now that you’ll be here too, I can ask _you_ to do that.”

Maxcus took a step back, still looking flabbergasted.

“Lexi, I… I know that your hobby is important to you, but to put it above your job, your duty…”

Lexi pursed her lips.

“It’s not a hobby, Maxcus, it _is_ my job. An integral part of it. I _must_ push the limits of what we already know to figure out how to help my patients best. And I never do that when my patients actually need me.” She shook her head, lowering it slightly. “I know that you have a different view, but… is mine so difficult to understand?” she asked more softly.

He looked at her for a long moment, his mandibles moving slightly.

“No.” He finally said, his voice quieter and gruffer than usual. “No, it’s not difficult to understand. But I don’t think I can support it.” Another pause, and then his shoulders slightly slumped. “I guess, the best I _can_ do is to accept it as is.”

“Alright.” Lexi nodded, and when he didn’t say anything else, she carefully asked. “Are we okay?”

“Of course.” He closed the distance between them, held her close and then placed a kiss on her lips. “Of course, we are okay.”

“And Harry?” She insisted, when he moved away. “You two are bound to meet when you’ll start working at the hospital. Are you going to behave?”

His face darkened almost imperceptibly, but after a second he nodded.

“We’ll be fine. I can be professional. But I doubt I’ll want to invite him over again any time soon.”

With that he left the kitchen. Lexi looked at his retreating form thoughtfully. She didn’t like how this conversation went.

She didn’t like it at all.

* * *

**One month later**

Lexi was going over the data she collected and making notes. She needed to thoroughly prepare the theoretical base for a lab test she planned, and she only had another day left to do so. Of course, she already had prepared most of it, all the data was analyzed and sorted, but it never hurt to doublecheck.

Just as she was finishing, she heard a hiss of the front door, and a minute later Maxcus entered her home office.

“Hello, love,” he said, walking around the table, coming closer to her and placing a kiss on her cheek. “Are you busy right now?”

Lexi placed the last datapad onto a tall stack and leaned back in her chair.

“Not really, I’ve just finished.” She smiled as Maxcus leaned against the table and took her hands in his. “Did you need something?”

“No, I just wanted to make sure everything was settled on your end. I spoke with matriarch Nurava, and she assured me we were good to go.” When he saw Lexi’s blank expression, he chuckled. “I’m talking about our trip, love.” Lexi just blinked at him. Maxcus frowned slightly. “We were going to Palaven?”

Lexi’s eye widened. She remembered that a few months ago Maxcus invited her to a traditional turian celebration in honor of the ancestral spirits. They were supposed to go to Palaven for a week and meet his family. Lexi agreed, and they even reserved a flight… on the same day she planned her experiment.

Maxcus sighed.

“Did you forget?”

“I… yes.” Lexi guiltily looked at the notes laid out before her. “I’m sorry, Maxcus.”

“Sorry?” His frown deepened and he glanced from Lexi to the pile of datapads and back. “Why, did you have plans?”

“I booked the lab to do some tissue testing for my current research. On the same day we fly out.” She pulled up a calendar on her omnitool and her face brightened. “But that’s okay, the celebration doesn’t start until two days later, correct? So you can fly ahead, and I’ll join you afterwards.”

Maxcus stilled and his expression became unreadable.

“Or you could cancel your lab reservation.”

Lexi gripped his hand tighter and then released it.

“It’ll only be a day. And if I cancel, I won’t get another chance like that for a while – the lab is booked for at least seven months in advance.” She wasn’t lying – even getting this reservation was painful enough, and she still had to wait almost half a year for it.

But Maxcus was having none of it.

“Lexi, it’s an important familial tradition. I want you to go there with me.” He spoke slowly, putting just enough pressure in his voice. Lexi sensed his tension and tried to alleviate it with a smile.

“I won’t miss it, I promise. I’ll only be late for _a day_.”

Apparently, the smile didn’t work.

“Lexi, no. This is unacceptable.” He pulled away from the table and began pacing the room. Lexi frowned, carefully watching him. “I can understand adjusting personal plans for the sake of the patient; after all, it’s out duty. But this?” He shook his head. “What happened to your priorities? First you place your research above your obligations as a doctor. I accepted it, even though I firmly believe it is wrong to do so.” He stopped and turned to her. “But now you place it above me, above our relationship. This is _my family_ , Lexi. A family I hoped you, Lexi, would one day become a part of.”

She stood up and crossed her hands. She heard the past tense in the last sentence, but she didn’t let it distract her from the implied fact that she was failing her responsibilities as a doctor.

“Are you seriously questioning my devotion to you? Or to my _patients_?”

Maxcus’ mandibles flared angrily.

“I don’t question, I know it now. Your devotion goes to your experiments.” He straightened and clasped his hands behind his back. “We are both doctors, and because of it we already spend very little time together. But you would sacrifice even that for the sake of your side interests. And no,” he raised a hand when she tried to interrupt him, “it doesn’t matter if it’s a day, or an hour, or a minute. It’s our time. So. How are you going to spend it?”

“Maxcus, I’m trying to find a way to help patients with late stages of AEND disorder,” Lexi spoke slowly and as calmly as she could – Maxcus’ accusations have struck a nerve after all. “This is my job, _my duty_ , if you wish, to exhaust every possibility to cure them. Even if right now it is deemed impossible.”

Maxcus flexed his jaw.

“You are staying then?” His voice was gruffer than usual.

“For a day,” she stressed, looking directly at him, willing him to understand. But he only shook his head and swallowed hard.

“Then I’m going alone,” he said, then turned around and walked to the door. There he stopped and looked over his shoulder. “You can forget about the trip... though it’s not like you bothered to remember in the first place,” Lexi felt her throat tighten, but Maxcus wasn’t finished. “When I get back, I’ll send someone to collect my things.” The words hit Lexi almost as a physical blow would. Finally, Maxcus looked her in the eye. “Goodbye, Lexi.”

With that he left, and the door closed behind him with a swoosh.

Lexi didn’t know, how long she stood there, staring at the same spot on the closed door. A familiar feeling, like a black hole opening in her chest, gnawed at her insides. Her world was falling apart, and she thought she would fall apart as well if she moved, or stopped looking at the door that became her anchor, the only stable thing in this universe.

She felt that before, more than once. She should have known she would feel that again. Should have predicted everything would once again end like this, and she would once again end up alone.

That thought brought her out of stupor. She blinked several times and took a deep breath, willing herself not to cry. As a doctor, as a psychiatrist, she knew it wasn’t healthy to bottle things up inside, but it was only temporary. She was going to deal with this like a grownup person, and she wasn’t going to do this alone. Oh, and there will definitely be bottles involved.

She entered a number on her omni-tool and waited for an answer.

“Harry, are you free this evening? And by ‘evening’ I mean right now. Yes, I’m fine… Actually, no, I’m not fine. Can you meet me at our usual bar? Yes. Very well, see you there.”

* * *

**Seventeen minutes later**

They were sitting at their usual table in their usual bar. The night was eerily similar to the one three and a half decades ago, when Harry became a full doctor. Lexi was staring at a half-empty glass she was holding in her hands – she’d just finished telling Harry what happened between her and Maxcus. Harry’s expression was grim and thoughtful.

“Any chances you two might still get together?” he asked carefully. Lexi shook her head.

“You know Maxcus, he’s not prone to unnecessary drama. If he made a decision, it’s final. In fact, he probably made it some time ago, and simply waited in case I manage to change his mind.” She placed still half-empty glass on the table and put her face in her hands. “Goddess, I actually thought this time would be different. But I ruined everything. Again.”

Harry, who was taking a sip from his own glass, choked on it and looked at Lexi incredulously.

“Lexi, what are you talking about? _He_ left. And he used the most imbecilic excuse I ever heard.” Harry shook his head. “To blame a doctor for also being a scientist is…”

“That wasn’t the problem,” Lexi interrupted him, clasping her hands in her lap. “At least, I don’t think it was. Harry, Maxcus… essentially, he felt the same way as every single one of my exes. He felt that I wasn’t paying him enough attention, that I was more in love with my work than with him.” She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. “Maybe he is right.”

Harry snorted. “Lexi, of course he isn’t. You know that’s not true!”

“Do I?” Lexi’s eyes snapped open. “Harry, every serious relationship I had ended, because I was so busy being a doctor that I didn’t leave time for anything or anyone else. Goddess, even Maxcus, who is also a medic, thought I was too consumed by it! Every single one of my exes told me virtually the same thing. And the only thing they all have in common is _me_.” She shook her head. “I can keep telling myself that it’s _them_ , that _they_ couldn’t handle it, that _they_ don’t deserve me, but maybe it’s time to admit, that it was my own damn fault all along.”

An uneasy silence fell over their table. Harry was looking at her, not knowing what to say, how to console her, or how to convince her to see things from this perspective. Lexi was grateful to her friend, who always stuck up for her, but this time she believed his efforts were misplaced. She didn’t deserve sympathy or support.

After a few minutes and several more drinks, Harry spoke up.

“Well, one good thing definitely came out of this breakup.”

Noting his almost deadpan expression, Lexi crossed her arms and asked with suspicion.

“And that is?”

Harry smiled.

“At least now I can freely tell you how much I disliked that prick,” Lexi glared at him and Harry rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on! I’ve waited for two years to make fun of his family name!”

“Very mature, Harry.” Lexi’s tone was sarcastic, but a small smile tugged at the corner of her lips.

Harry noticed. And grinned.

“Maybe not, but imagine this – if you two decided to formalize your relationship, you’d become doctor Lexi Prickus. Do you really think I’d let you live this down?”

Lexi rolled her eyes, trying and failing to stifle a laugh.

“First, I have never doubted your resolve to give me shit at every possible opportunity. And second, asari don’t change their family names after bonding.”

Harry shrugged.

“That wouldn’t stop me. So, you’ve really dodged a bullet here.” When he noticed that Lexi wasn’t smiling anymore, his face fell. “Too soon?”

She sighed, covered her face with her hands and began rubbing her eyes.

“I don’t know… Yes? I feel like…” she sighed again, dropping her hands to the table. “Goddess, I feel tired and confused and there’s so much to do now. I’ll have to move out of the apartment again, and then I’ll have to find a job at another hospital, because now Maxcus is working there, and it will be awkward and difficult…” she took a deep breath, cutting her rant short, and shook her head. “Maybe I should just leave the Citadel altogether.”

The idea was sudden and over the top, and Lexi didn’t know why she even said it out loud, but for some reason Harry was now looking at her thoughtfully.

“I’m sure there are many places where a medic with your experience would be welcome,” he said neutrally.

Lexi snorted. Harry’s expression was unreadable, but, apparently, he decided to humor her spontaneous outburst.

“Places like Omega,” she said sarcastically. “There’s always someone in need of patching up. Clinics open and then get destroyed in some firefight almost every month.” She thought for a second. “Or I could go to Thessia. Not many aliens there to treat, though.” Then she looked at Harry, all mirth gone from her features, and asked seriously. “Do you really think I should do it? Leave?”

But Harry shook his head.

“The hospital? No. I think Maxcus should leave. This situation is his fault – yes, Lexi, I’m going to insist that it is until you admit that I’m right – so it’s his responsibility to straighten things out. If he decided to leave you, then he should _leave_ and not force you to do it.” Harry drew in another breath. “But I don’t think any of your decisions should be about him or this breakup. It should be about you. What do you want, Lexi?”

She sighed.

“I want to continue my work. I want to continue helping people, and I can do that anywhere in the galaxy.” She looked down at the glass again, chewing her lip. “But there aren’t many places in the galaxy where I can be a doctor and a researcher both. Or, at least, not many places with sufficient funding and no questionable ethics.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “If I leave, my scientific endeavors are over.”

Harry narrowed his eyes, still looking at her.

“Maybe not,” he muttered and then asked in his normal voice. “Maybe you could look at all this as an opportunity for a new beginning?”

Lexi sighed, and then shrugged.

“A new beginning where?”

“How about Earth?”

The question seemed so out of blue, that it took Lexi several seconds to connect the dots.

“What do you… Do you mean the Andromeda Initiative?” Suddenly Harry was looking anywhere but at Lexi, and she suspiciously narrowed her eyes. “Harry? What did you do?”

Harry wasn’t built to withstand torture – or Lexi’s glares – so he immediately cracked.

“They were asking about you. Or, rather, I referenced your research during my interview, then mentioned I knew you personally, and the next second they were very interested if you would consider working for them. And I told them I’ll ask.” When Harry noticed Lexi’s frown, he hurried to clarify. “I didn’t promise anything else. Just that – asking. I didn’t say anything during the dinner we had because I saw that prick’s… err… your ex’s reaction. And now –” he shrugged “– now it seems like a perfect opportunity. A fresh start.” He paused. “So… Will you consider it?”

Lexi was rendered speechless for a second.

“What… What do they want? Do they need me as a researcher?” Actually, that wasn’t so bad. As a scientist, Lexi always struggled to find necessary funding, and she wasn’t kidding, when she told Maxcus that Initiative’s projects seem quite interesting. Having to solve exciting problems while not lacking in budget wasn’t exactly a hardship. And, from what she’d heard, the Initiative _definitely_ didn’t lack in funds.

“A researcher, yes.” Harry hesitated. “At first. Then they want you to join one of the arks as a doctor.”

Lexi frowned. She was pretty sure she understood what Harry meant, but she still asked.

“Arks?”

Harry scratched the back of his neck, thinking.

“Well, they are planning to send six huge starships – arks – to Andromeda. The first one is Nexus – it’s like miniature Citadel. It’ll have multi-species crew. Then there’ll be an ark for humans, one for asari, one for turians and one for salarians. The last one will house other species – quarians, drell, hanar and elcor.” The he looked at her intently and, when her wide-eyed gaze met his, nodded. “Yeah, they want you for Andromeda, Lexi.” Then he looked away, suddenly very interested in a stain on the wall. “And, given that you’re both an asari and an expert in alien anatomy, you probably could pick any ark you wanted.”

Lexi narrowed her eyes.

“And which ‘ark’ should I pick? If I decide to go, that is,” she quickly added.

Harry nonchalantly shrugged, still not looking at her.

“Like I said, any one you want. Although, your good friend would be very happy if you agreed to accompany him on a human ark.” His eyes twinkled, when he finally met her gaze. When Lexi smiled, he continued. “Also, there are many interesting people in the Initiative. So, who knows, maybe, when we reach Andromeda, we can find you someone.” He thought about it. “Maybe even before that.”

Lexi chuckled sadly at that and shook her head.

“Oh, no. No more of that. After what happened today, I’m definitely taking a break from relationships.” Harry frowned, but Lexi was still talking. She knocked on the left side of her chest and said, “Dear heart, please, hear me. Stop getting involved in everything. Your job is to pump blood. That’s it.”

Harry raised an eyebrow.

“You’re a doctor, you should know better.” When Lexi looked at him questioningly, he explained. “You are supposed to be telling that to your brain and oxytocin.” Lexi laughed, nodding, but Harry, still frowning, asked. “And what’s that with a break from relationships? I understand that prick hurt you, but isn’t it taking things a bit too far?”

Lexi sighed.

“Like I said, it’s not just about him. It’s about everyone else before him.” She paused, mulling something over in her head. “Or maybe it’s about me. I need to figure out how not to let my work ruin every relationship I have. And that’ll take time.”

Harry shrugged and suggested, “Well, six hundred years seems like a decent time for a break.” When Lexi shot him an exasperated glance, he said, “What?”

“I doubt I’ll have much time for self-reflection while in cryosleep,” she answered dryly, but then added. “Although, an adventure like this seems like an exciting way to figure myself out.”

“So… is this a yes?” Harry was looking at her expectantly. Lexi looked around. She looked at the bar, then through the panoramic window she saw the portion of the Wards she knew painfully well. The Citadel. This place once allowed her, an outcast from Omega, to realize her potential to the fullest. She would be eternally grateful for that, but lately she felt like she was striving for more, and this – the station, her past, even her current job – was dragging her down. Holding her back.

Perhaps it was time to move forward?

Lexi turned back to Harry and took her glass again.

“I think I have a toast,” she suddenly said.

She saw a slight uptick of his mouth when he mirrored her position.

“Oh? What are we drinking to, then?” he asked.

And doctor Lexi T’Perro, specialist in alien anatomy, future doctor of the human ark Hyperion and future Andromeda colonist, answered:

“To the new beginnings.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally I planned a fourth chapter named 'Thaia'. But then I decided I'd better leave her story to the original author ;)
> 
> The next chapter is the illustration I created for this work)


	4. Illustration




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